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Is An Affair The End?

| TJ Gibbs |

With accusations and admissions of cheating an everyday media headline you may be forgiven in thinking that the majority of relationships encounter infidelity. What % of people do you think cheat on their partners – 50%? 65%?  Are women just as likely to cheat on their partners as men?

It might surprise you to know that having reviewed a number of polls on cheating the average is actually between 14-18% of women and 22-25% of men that admit cheating on their partners. Of course, the figures are probably higher (as many may not confess) but the figures are still not as high as one might think.

However, it does appear that 1 in 4 of us will or have experienced the pain and heartache caused by infidelity.  If you happen to be in a relationship with someone who has cheated on a previous partner the chance of you being cheated on increases by 300%!!!  One of the reasons that I encourage people to do their homework in the dating stage rather than turn a blind eye to red flags that could ensure heartache down the line.

Does it really matter though who else is cheating or not if you are the one who has had your heart and future stamped all over? Absolutely not!

The pain in betrayal of trust, the ripping away of the dreams of being perfect for each other and finding out your happiness has all been a lie rocks the very foundations of everything you thought you knew.  You doubt every decision you have made and every truth you have believed. 

So do you stay or do you go?

This is the heart breaking question that when asked before an event has occurred is usually met with the chorus of “I’m off – no way I would put up with that” However, in the cold light of day, when the person you class as your best friend, possibly the co-parent of your children and the love of your life lets you down in such a soul destroying way is it really that simple?

The loss of your happy relationship will go through the stages of grief namely:

Shock – I never saw this coming, I can’t believe they would do this to me,

Denial – It can’t be true! Maybe the messenger is lying! Am I over reacting?.

Anger – I am going to make them suffer, they won’t see the kids, I feel so stupid

Bargaining – Call them and tell them it’s over, if you are really sorry then you need to ….

Depression – My life as I dreamt it is over! How will I ever trust anyone again? I am not enough?

Testing – Should we stay together? Do you still love me? Can we get past this?

Acceptance – Life is going to be different now! What needs to change?, Where do we go from here?

So can the relationship you currently have, survive after an affair?

The answer is no. The old relationship is now over, Your partner has changed and so have you so nothing can still be the same.

However, every ending is a new beginning.  Typical counselling will focus on issues of the past but clients working with Life & Love work on looking forward to exploring:

  • Who are we both now?
  • How honest is our desire to move forward together?
  • What healing work needs to take place?
  • Are we both on the same page about staying together?
  • What would our new relationship look like?
  • How can I forgive their cheating and be ready to love them again?

The idea of a partner cheating can be soul-crushing, but hope is not always lost.  For many an affair would be the end of their relationship, however for some this could be the beginning of a more meaningful relationship where each of you can begin to be honest about what you really need, rather than accessing it from someone outside the relationship.

Life & Love can help you open up the pain vault, move on from your current heartache and guide you to live and love again. It will be down to you both to decide if it will be together or apart but we will support you all the way.

Having an honest and open deep dive into what foundations could be rebuilt upon can, at best, breathe new life into your relationship and at worst help speed up the healing process past the heartache so you can move on with both life and love.

Thanks for Visiting TJ's Blog

Articles that TJ writes for Life & Love cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.

Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!

Tj x


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