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shallow focus photography of red bauble on christmas tree


| TJ Gibbs |

So Christmas (I am going to shorten this to Xmas although some hate that!) has rolled round again in a blink of an eye. 

If, like me, you have been watching “I am a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here” this year were you one of those surprised by the Dingo Dollar answer that the % for those voting Xmas as the best time of the year was below 40%? Or are you one of the 60% plus who struggles around this time?

Do you relish planning and participating in Xmas shopping or do you see it as a thankless chore that you put off as long as possible and end up at Marks and Spencers on Xmas Eve?

Do you eagerly look forward to playing Charades and Board Games with the family or are you someone who dreads having to pretend you are enjoying being around people that you may try and avoid at most other times of the year?

There are so many factors that for some make this time of year difficult including:

  • The reduction in availability of natural sun light that affects hormones and emotional wellbeing for both men and women!
  • The cold dark days that lead to carbohydrate cravings and weight gain where getting out of bed becomes a mountain to climb let alone getting to the gym!
  • Being around people who know how to push your buttons and trying to exert a will of iron not to react.
  • Having to spend money that you just don’t have or spend it on people that you feel won’t appreciate your effort or expenditure

But one of the hardest things to deal with at this time is facing the pain of the loss of love.  For some this is because they have lost a loved one since last Xmas through bereavement and for others they may have lost the love of someone from a divorce or relationship breakdown.

There are also many that realise that they are spending yet another Xmas without someone to love and be loved by in their life – someone they would just love to spend money and time selecting a gift for.

If you are looking forward to Xmas and can’t wait then I hope your Xmas brings you all the love and happiness that you deserve. However, if you are one of those that may be facing a struggle over the next 2 weeks as you put on your game face and go through the motions here are some ways this Xmas to be kind to YOU!

  • Put a Gift from Me To Myself as top of the list of Xmas Shopping – make it expensive and self-indulgent – YOU Deserve It!!!!!!

  • Line up a whole duvet day shortly after Xmas and get ready to binge on your favourite box set or movies include your favourite tipple and snacks and settle in for a day dedicated to YOU!

  • If you are feeling ready for change take a step towards your future and write down everything you want to be different by next Xmas – putting your focus and energy on YOU rather than on your loss will bring surprising results.

  • If your loved one has passed on consider celebrating your love for them by still buying them a gift or setting a place at the table for them. They may have passed on to a spiritual level but their essence can still be part of your celebrations.

  • If you are suffering from Heartache from a relationship breakdown this Xmas then acceptance that this could be a painful time is an act of kindness to YOU! Allow yourself time to grieve for the loss of your dreams and plans for your future together. Trying to pretend to yourself that you are ok when you are not is cruel to you.  Speak out on your pain to someone who you know loves you – often just speaking out the pain can help you through another day.

  • Time is a great healer but for many it is waiting for the passing of that time that feels the most painful. Maybe agree with yourself a timeline of when you want to start investing in your future to help you move on from the heartache of the past. This Xmas will soon be over and its up to you to make the next one a healthier happier one.

It goes without saying that Xmas is a time when we focus on being kind and loving towards others. It is a time where love becomes evident either by its existence or in its absence.  Many wait too long for love and acceptance to be given by others and abdicate responsibility of giving your love to you. 

This Xmas add YOU! to your list of loved ones. You have lived and learned for the past 12 months now it’s time to reflect on your growth even if it has been painful. You might not yet be where you want to be but you are older and wiser than you have ever been and have a lot of past learning to utilise to make you happier going forward.

All you really need for Xmas is YOU! With Hugs and Kisses TJ xxxx

Thanks for Visiting TJ's Blog

Articles that TJ writes for Life & Love cover all steps in the cycle of love and include tips and advice for many dating or relationship issues. Her experience as a Love Therapist, Love Coach and Life Coach bring a real-life approach to everyday situations.

Remember life is for loving – that includes yourself!

Tj x


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